It kept me from actually living (i’ll explain).
I move to Pennslyvania for a “dream” job as a live-in doula. I finally got my chance to move to a new city for work. I had my own room with a balcony. And the family I was with put so much care into my space. I finally had (honorary) pets (two cats and a dog). This family took a chance on me. And they trusted me.
I moved to Pennslyvania on August 19th, 2022.
And I moved back home on September 15th, 2022.
I struggled to accept that the fantasy I had created in my head - from the concept to deciding to move and doing it - was nothing like I thought it would be.
There are two lessons here:
managing expectations...
...and not having any expectations at all.
You may be wondering… Bria, this makes no sense 🤷🏾♀️. And you're right.
It doesn’t make sense to someone who is not living in the present moment.
We all drift into the fog between our higher self and our present self from time to time, but it is important to ground ourselves in the awareness of our bodies (but i’m getting ahead of myself).
Why was my fantasy moot?
I didn’t consider what I would be walking away from MY family. The level of homesickness was on first-year college students who only last a week away from home (no shade here if that was you).
I also didn’t consider how I would fall into the role of an overwhelmed big sister, desperate to relieve some of mom’s stress. And this made my job even harder because I struggled to speak the unspoken language between supporting a friend in need and feeling confident to help.
Lastly, I underestimated the challenge of moving to a new place as an adult. This sh*! was the hardest for me. I never missed family dinners. And I can count on ONE hand the number of times I left the house to explore on my own.
There were blind spots that I could not foresee until I decided to change my reality.
I thought I knew everything and obviously, I didn't, ha 😅.
✨gentle reminder✨
You cannot predict what is for you.
And what is not for you.
The best thing you can do for yourself
is to focus on what is presently in front of you. It physically hurt to be away from the reality I created in North Carolina. I felt like a burden. I didn’t feel safe, and because of that, I didn’t feel freedom as strong as I once did. I have never experienced something like this before.
You don’t know what you have til it's gone
I have heard this a lot, but it has never felt so true in my life. Since I was 18, I was always running towards a life I thought would be better.
This is the reason I joined the military and moved across the country for school. And these things didn’t work out, just like my experience in Pennslyvania, because you cannot run away from yourself.
You cannot run away from your body 😔.
You always take your mind, soul, heart, and all your baggage with you where you go.
Now I am more concerned with what is in front of me currently. Presently.
It requires courage and self-trust to take a chance on yourself (i'll write another post about this 👌🏾).
No fantasy will be better than living where you are now (mentally, physically, and spiritually).
This is why awareness is so important. It took me multiple experiences that taught me ‘hard’ lessons to get it (and I still may have to be reminded of this).
If you’re interested in learning how to build awareness of your body in connection to living authentically, join the village community.
I am happy to be home with my family. And more importantly, I feel more comfortable in my body.
Chat soon 💗
Bria
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