"I want to maintain the view that God has of me." -blooming bria
Let me start by saying that my body is not perfect. I am not at my ideal weight. I have a single roll on my right side. I have a food pouch. My legs and arms are long. I have "man" hands. I had feet the size of Bigfoot. I have curly natural hair. I have the shoulders of a linebacker.
I love my body regardless of the list of above. My journey of accepting everything that I encompass can be broken down into three defining moments:
My Big Chop
My Boot Camp Experience
My Decision to Study Nutrition
My Big Chop
At the time I didn't understand what assimilation was but that is actually what happened in my case. I straighten my hair to fit in. I wanted hair to be exactly like all the girls that I went to school with, not understanding how boring straight hair is. I don't remember hating my hair. I asked to get my hair relaxed because I didn't think my curls were pretty enough.
The natural hair movement was a crucial part of my journey. It empowered me seeing girls with hair like mine. It made me stop getting relaxers altogether. Leading up to my big chop, I did use protective styles to try and grow my hair while I transitioned. The icing on the cake that made me just cut my hair off was when a relationship ended. It was freeing and it gave me the confidence I needed to learn to love myself. I allowed my hair to define me for too long. As my hair grew, I grew with it; loving it for all that is was and becoming at the same time.
My Boot Camp Experience
I enlisted in the United States Marine Corps while I was still a student in high school. I had to wait until I graduated to ship out for boot camp, which was where the problem begins. I met the height and weight standard when I DEP'ped into the Pool, but as time went on I started gaining weight. I always knew I was a chunky kid. Although I did thin out a bit during high school, I was still a "thick" girl. I never saw this as a problem until I had to be under 146 lbs to ship. This really changed my body image. I never wanted to step on a scale. I would felt like I was making progress, then I'd step on the scale and immediately feel discouraged. I began dieting and portioning my food. I was starving myself to try and lose weight, which made me gain weight. At 160 lbs, I was my heaviest. I began following a plant-based diet to help cut out fat in my diet. I prayed to lose weight. I really can't explain to you how I lost the weight, but when it came time for my finally pre-ship weigh in I was 146 lbs.
Post boot camp I weight 130 lbs. I feel more comfortable in my skin. I still struggle with stepping on a scale. The number is still defining, but I am working to overcome it.
*transformation from June 2017 to June 2018
My Decision to Study Nutrition
I have found a new love for working out. I always feel my best after a workout, even though I am most times a bit tired. I have incorporated veganism and fitness into my lifestyle, and it is something that I have found confidence in. I have always wanted to be a chef, and studying Culinary Nutrition is the perfect combination of my passions. I used to think that I wanted to be a doctor, but now I have a clear understanding that isn't my interest. I want to help other through educating them on the power of food. The energy we put in, is the energy we get out. Expressing myself unapologetically and unpopularly is where I began to discover who I am and becoming.
I am still uncovering my confidence in who I am; this is just what I can comprehend right now.
blooming bria
Opmerkingen